


5 steps to a happy boyfriend

by Tamiflu



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Modern AU, Please Don't Take This Seriously, Sex Toys, cross-dressing, mentions of minions, sexy shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-12 10:25:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7098991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamiflu/pseuds/Tamiflu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren tries to keep his boyfriend happy by continuing a tradition they sort of have. Maybe he pushed it to far this time…. Maybe… Well, nothing he can’t solve with something nice on the side. (◕ω◕✿)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Step 0: ‘Don’t upset your boyfriend’

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a joke when I was speaking to fen [[x](http://fenfyre.tumblr.com/)], but like all jokes (and our conversations) it got serious(ly smuty). 
> 
> Hope you like it (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
> 
> Please tell me if you see something stupid like ‘bonner’ instead of ‘boner’.

It started as a joke or maybe not. He isn’t sure anymore. He just knows that every fortnight or so he is buying something _special_ for that same night. He started on the _classical_ , or let’s say, more _normal_ shops for these kind of things. Like a sex shop or one of those shops that sell satin lingerie with cute lace, and to be fair, he was content with it – for a while. But like everything in their relationship it tends to escalate. This one it escalated really quickly.

 

To him it was a quest - to find out how far Jean goes to tolerate Eren's crazy shit. Also what kind of crazy shit Jean actually likes even though he says he doesn't. Like the bunny ears and matching tail he tried last Easter or the high heels. That one was very obvious, really. He looks absolutely amazing in heels. So much so that Jean couldn’t even deny it. The cute panties and thigh highs are now (almost) a must have, so Eren considers that his biggest success. So every day that he feels particularly horny he goes out to a random shop and pick a few selected items and tries to seduce Jean while wearing them.

 

They work about 99.9% of the time. He doesn’t actually believe that Jean has a kink for all of them. There were some that were more of a hit, and some that were more of a miss. Even with those on the second option, he gets laid every time. Every single time. Jean can’t really say no to an Eren sprawled in their bed wearing so little he might as well be naked. Well, there was one time that he did just that. Only covering _selected_ parts of his body with whipped cream. There was also that time where he wore a red negligee with white fluffy rims paired up with stripped red and white elf shoes with bells on the tips. When Jean walked in he didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. It still worked, of course it does. It’s Eren half-naked. How couldn't it? That jingling all the way through did drive them both insane though. Jean is a kinky guy, so Eren is still unsure if the “Santa look” does rock his boat or not, but that is not the point.

 

The point is, is this crossing the limit? He looks at the selected items in his hands. Probably. There is a little boy near him asking his ‘mummy’ to buy same for him…

 

Yep, definitely wrong. He still buys everything, he wants to see Jean’s face. He can regret this decision later.

 

[…]

 

A few hours later he is in their bed. Wearing only a yellow shirt with a big white eye on it, blue knee high socks, black combat boots and black gloves. He is trying really hard to feel sexy, the socks and lack of briefs help. Everything else just makes him cringe and laugh while thinking of Jean’s face once he sees him. He hears the door opening and re-arranges himself on the bed showing off his best attributes – his ass and legs.

 

Jean takes some time to enter their bedroom, like he always does. First he takes his heavy coat dusting himself off the stray snowflakes that seem to fall with more intensity each day. Gets rid of his shoes and as soon as he realizes Eren isn’t in a nest on the couch. The place he always is once he gets home as soon as the first snowflake starts to fall. He starts for their bedroom, already expecting a rather interesting night.

 

The door creaks open and Jean enters smile on his lips. A smile that drops once his eyes land on Eren’s form. He starts to frown once he puts two and two together - realising Eren is in minion’s merchandise and more or less cosplaying a minion. “No” he simply says, closes the door again and he is walking away. Eren is on his feet the next second he realizes Jean is leaving.

 

“Wait. I- ughhh” Sadly he doesn’t get to finish his sentence, nor continue to chase Jean before he walked out - potentially out of their house. His feet got caught up on the fleece blanket he was wrapped around while waiting for Jean and next thing he knows his face is on the floor. There is also pain, lots of pain. He tries to move and access the damage, but before he can even raise his head off the floor, Jean is there next to him. Pulling him up by his shoulders and looking at him worriedly. Lips pressed thin and eyebrows scrunched together.

 

He is now on his knees, his face pressed against Jean’s chest. He feels the other pushing him away to look at his face. “Eren…” Jean still looks worried and he looks like he is about to say something else. Maybe scold him for being an idiot, when his eyes widen. “Shit! Stay here” He gets up and hurries to the bathroom adjacent to the bedroom. Eren is about to ask why is he reacting like that when his vision starts to go black. He supports himself on his hands. Something drips off his nose and he belatedly realizes he is bleeding. Hence why Jean was freaking out. “Eren, I have—Are you okay?”

 

Jean kneels beside him and grabs his shoulder. “Peachy” Eren says. He raises his head and tries to smile, but Jean isn’t having any of that. There’s a scowl on his face and Eren knows this won’t be the last he has heard about this.

 

They end up in A&E that night. Jean doesn’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth about him being fine. Saying something about Jean not being able to relax once he knows Eren didn’t screw up his head (even more than what already is) _‘Who else would think that minions would EVER, ever be sexy, Eren?’_. Jean asks Eren while driving and he really doesn’t have an answer. To be fair he didn’t think things through (and he never planned to fall on his face) and he says as much. To which Jean just says ‘You never fucking think!’ and then starts to ramble about how did someone ever think Eren would be a person responsible enough to make decisions about people's life.

 

They stop doing that game after that. They both feel bad about how things went and Eren really does think he pushed Jean way too far on that one. He still thinks he needs to compensate him for that. Jean says he really shouldn’t and doesn’t need to. Saying Eren suffered enough by going to his place of work in the minion shirt and bleeding. The story they told didn’t convince his colleagues too much, and he knows some of them know what really happened or at least have some idea. All the nursing staff and some of the doctors still poke fun of him. He reckons the yellow mug with the big eye that mysteriously showed up on his desk is cute and makes his little patients smile. It could have been worse really, he only left the hospital with a bump on the head, some pain relievers and an ear full of Jean’s ramblings.

 

Step 0: Failed


	2. Step 1: ‘Find something your boyfriend likes’

Eren and Jean have been dating for a while now and Jean couldn't love Eren any more than he already does, in his opinion. Jean is such a doting boyfriend, always making sure he is comfortable and loved. They do fight, probably more than most couples, since their personalities tend to clash. Most of their fights now are about stupid things and get resolved in a few minutes. Less than that if one of them gets hurt. The other going immediately into 'mum' mode and taking care of the other’s ass.

 

Eren has always trusted Jean to tell him if something was wrong, or if he wanted to change something in their relationship. Or even talk about Jean’s relationships with other people and their troubles or other misadventures - if he wanted. Or simply gush about his crushes. Even so, there is something going on with Jean since the beginning of his college semester, something that he hasn’t shared with Eren. For the first few months, he just assumed his boyfriend was just stressed with projects and what not. He did had the tendency to get out of the house more during those times, mostly to get inspiration. Eren never really questioned his motives and let him do his own thing for the most part, nor does he intend to start now. He can't help to be curious though.

 

Since the beginning of this school year, Jean had managed to go to the ‘Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology’ every single week and some weeks more than once. He might as well get a VIP card to the Museum or something, because that _has_ to be some kind of record. Now Eren hasn’t had the pleasure of exploring said museum so he really doesn’t know if the museum needs that many visits. He does know his boyfriend and how he has a lot of different interests – Anthropology and/or Archaeology not being one of them. Jean is the kind of guy that falls asleep as soon as Eren decides to indulge himself in a documentary about ancient civilizations. Only waking up at the mention of art, groggy and with his hair sticking in all directions.

 

So naturally the next time that Jean is wrapping a scarf around his neck and saying he is going out for a while, drawing pad under his arm. Eren asks if he can tag along. Jean agrees, a confused look on his face about how formal Eren just sounded. He wraps his own scarf around his neck and they head out into the cold. The harsh winter air hits him in the face and he almost wants to forgo the whole thing and go back inside with a nice hot tea in his hand. Jean’s own hand in his does feel nice and helps him on the short walk to their bicycles.

 

Like most things in this city, the museum is a short cycle ride from their little apartment. Jean rides in the front, his leather bag and drawing pad in the basket at the front of the bicycle. The route well memorized in his mind. Once they get there, they lock their bikes onto one of the few available spaces. Hands interlocked on their sides as they head for the museum. Eren notices the other museum on the opposite site of the university – the logo being a dinosaur. Peaking his interest much more than the perspective of human cultures. Noticing his longing look Jean asks if he would rather go to that one. Still determined to find out more about Jean’s sudden interest in archaeology and other related topics, he refuses and pulls Jean into the correct direction.

 

The gust of warm air once they walk in is welcomed. Disposing of their coats and scarfs upon entering the building. While waiting for Eren, Jean unconsciously bites his lip and rubs a thumb back and forth on the cover of his pad. Once Eren is done, Jean walks in first and holds the door for him. “Hi!” There is a bright and happy voice calling them in. “I hope you enjoy yourselves today” Eren takes in the guy speaking to them. First only to acknowledge him, but then there is something that makes him want to take every single detail of the person in front of him. Tall, taller than Jean at least by a few inches, bronze skin paired with freckles like a lot of them. The dark short hair in an undercut, a nice compliment to his general appearance. He has a nice smile and Eren suddenly feels drawn to him, wanting to chat up to him and count the freckles on his face. _‘God that was cheesy…’_ Eren thinks as soon as it crosses his mind.

 

He completely misses the way that, much like himself, Jean gapes at this person. He is blushing and his movements are awkward at best. He ends up, only giving a short nod and disappearing into one of the rows of displayed pieces. When Eren takes notice that he was basically left alone there, he gives one short _‘hi’_ and a smile that he was once told could give heart attacks. He tries to look for his boyfriend and ends up on his tippy toes to peer over the displays to find him.

 

When he sees a flash of Jean’s light blue cardigan in the far left corner he heads up in that direction. A predator’s smile etched in his features. “So…” Jean is sitting on the edge of a step that gives away to a beautiful glass plane, light and dark colours mixing together. He presses his pad into his face murmuring something that resembles _‘shut up’_. He gives a tiny laugh at that and sits up close to him. “You’re a nerd” He sways side to side bumping their shoulders in the process.

 

Jean doesn’t confirm nor deny the accusation, choosing to open his pad and taking some selected pencils out of his bag instead. He starts by scratching a few loose lines onto his paper, while looking back and forth to the intricate pattern of the armour he chose to draw. Eren pats his knee and pinches it making his leg jerk involuntarily. Jean scolds up at him and Eren smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “I’ll take a look around. Try not to do anything stupid” Jean rolls his eyes at his statement, which only makes him smile wider.

 

There’s a map nearby and he briefly accesses that there are only three floors. Each one only composed of a single room, loosely organized by chronological and geographic order. He takes a look around the first floor, which is mostly occupied by the gift shop. The guy is still on the gift shop part of the museum. Behind an oval counter, organizing a stack of papers. In a few minutes Eren has seen the small museum. Mostly by just observing the exposed items and skipping the text under them. He gets back to the first floor. Jean is still sitting in the same place, his focus isn’t any more on the armour in front of him, but loosely on the whole room. With a few more concentrated looks in a ‘certain direction’.

 

He wanders around until he finds himself on the gift shop. There are several things that catch his eye and quickly he has a handful of little trinkets. Considering all the visits Jean has done in the past he reckons he should give the museum some profit back. He dumps the stuff on the counter startling Mr. cute-face, and there’s that smile. Fuck. Jean is pretty weak to cute guys, he tends to say stupid stuff and do even stupider stuff. Hence why when they first met they ended up on the floor throwing punches at each other. Eren on the other hand prided himself of being a smooth guy. Having nice pickup lines up his sleeve and flirting easily. This was a reality up until this point. “So did you like it?”

 

“I— hum. Yes?” He tries not to ruffle his hair, a bad nervous habit he has. Although scratching his neck isn’t much better when you’re trying to look confident. “I don’t understand much of—hum, really anything in this museum, but yeah, it was pretty…” He starts an awkward laugh that soon gets joined in by Mr. hawt-stuff.

 

“Should I do the tour to you as I do to the pre-schoolers?”

 

He laughs harder and, yep, that’s definitely his hand going through his locks ruffling them further. “Please”

 

The guy is laughing more and Eren really hopes he isn’t laughing at him “Should I also get the papers for you to draw your favourite piece in the museum?”

 

“Nah, no need. Unless you want a drawing of yourself?” The guy stares at him for a bit, unsure of how to react, and for a few seconds Eren panics. Once again he didn’t think, before he said something. He hears a murmured _‘oh god’_ and the guy has his hands on his face.

 

“I really walked into that one, didn’t I?” He says face still covered by his hands. He eventually peels them away revealing a nice shade of red over his cheeks. “I’m Marco, by the way.”

 

“Nice to meet you Marco” Eren shakes his hand, and he doesn’t miss the way Marco holds his for a little while longer. “I’m Eren”.

 

[…]

 

Marco does give him a tour afterwards, and even if Marco keeps teasing him about this being the kiddie tour, it really doesn't feel like it. Marco lingers in certain parts more than others. His eyes shining while he explains the meaning of each piece. Eren nods for the most part, still being too distracted by the way Marco speaks. Noticing the light accent on certain words. The slightly rolled 'r''s and the beautiful cadence he speaks in. Eren wonders where the accent could be from. Not from this country surely. _‘Ahh, fuck his voice is really lovely. I wonder what he sounds like moaning…’_ Still caught up by _‘the Marco spell’_ he blurts his thoughts. “I really like your voice” The other stops mid-sentence and a small _‘oh’_ escapes him.

 

Marco is about to say something else when he looks over Eren’s shoulder, and the next thing Eren feels is a tug on his sleeve. The hand there slides until it finds his own. He automatically interlocks their fingers. Knowing it was Jean since the tug on his sleeve. “Sorry, I guess I have to leave?” Eren addresses Marco again. He takes in the way the other looks at their joined hands. “Ah! This is Jean, my boyfriend, and I guess he is also the creeper that has been staring at you the last couple of months?” Marco’s eyes widen at that and Eren is unsure of which information grants such a reaction, he couldn’t have missed Jean’s looks, right? Jean punches his shoulder, making him wobble a bit and lose his step for a second. Once he gains his footing he glares at Jean for a second, his focus easily falling again on Marco. “He is friendly though, doesn’t even bite. Unless you’re into that” He winks at that.

 

“Fuck you, Eren” They lock gazes again and Eren can feel the argument rising. It’s the way they are, always have been. Everything a trigger for some light bickering followed by some not-so-light-make-outs. Jean opens his mouth, ready to spew something out and Eren crosses his arms giving him _the look_. Something breaks their focus though. Something so pure they forget everything and turn their attention on it- better yet him. Marco is laughing. So pretty and light. Eren swears there is a chorus of angels in the background. They are staring – openly so, not that Marco is really looking, clutching to his sides and a hand over his mouth trying to stop laughing. He starts to apologize between spouts of laughter and finally composes himself once more. He cleans the tears clinging to his eyelashes and gives a lopsided grin as an excuse to the pair.

 

A smile still clinging to his lips when he speaks again more clearly. “It’s just… You guys are like a grumpy old married couple. It's really cute. ” He laughs a bit more. “Sorry that probably sounded creepy… and random” He stops speaking and avoids their gaze, light pink dusting is cheeks. “I should go back now… hum, I have a tour in a… yeah…” He looks at Eren and bites his lip before speaking “Nice to meet you Eren… and you too Jean, officially I mean” There’s a cute lilted _‘eh’_ on the end of his sentence and he leaves.

 

Step 1: Success?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw the museum is this one [[x](http://maa.cam.ac.uk/)] and yes it is worth the visit. So if you in the area go there - It's FREE! :D


End file.
